Yeah, residents of an apartment block in the US state of Georgia woke up last week to find themselves trapped in the building as  the landlord had removed the stairs!

Whilst it seems that some residents had received a letter  saying that the stairs needed emergency repairs, and that tenants would be reimbursed for hotel costs for the time they’d be required to move out, others were only advised as the stairs were actually being removed!

But in any case it appears that the stairs were abruptly removed on Monday morning, without any prior warning.

Emergency services had to be summoned to free residents of the Maple Walk Apartments in Decatur who lived above the ground floor.

Try explaining that one to your boss!

It was good to welcome back Margaret Mills this afternoon.

Her subject today was John Ray, who was born in a smithy in Black Notley but somehow rose to become one of the foremost naturalists of his time.

Listen again to what Margaret told me today: –

See you again soon,
Scott

On this lovely Monday afternoon we heard about the parents of children at a kindergarten and junior school, who inadvertently stuffed their offspring’s lunch boxes with snacks intended for dogs!

It seems that packs of “Scooby Snack” brand treats – complete with pictures of Scooby Doo – were accidentally placed near the crisps and snacks aisle in a local Pak’nSave supermarket.

Whilst unsurprisingly many of the kids turned their noses up at the treats – one described them as “rubbish”, one of the parents scoffed two packets straight off, saying that “they tasted pretty damn good” .

Clearly there’s no accounting for taste!

Meanwhile from New York comes news of a woman who thought she’d hit the jackpot, when the machine she was playing printed out a winning ticket for around $43m.

So you can imagine her disappointment when the casino refused to pay out but offered her a steak dinner worth just $2.25!

The casino claims that the machine wasn’t working right and that it had printed the winning ticket due to a technical glitch.

Casino officials point out that all machines have a stamp on them that reads: ‘Malfunctions void all pays and plays’   which sounds like a heads I win, tales you lose “catch all” get out clause to me!

She is now suing the casino and as her lawyer says ‘You can’t just claim a machine is broken because you want it to be broken’.

If you’re feeling lucky join me again tomorrow at 1pm,
Scott

Incredibly a man claimed in court that he got police to help him break into a flat from which he stole cash and a passport.

Cardiff Crown Court were told that this was the second break-in the defendant had carried out within a 24-hour period although police had not assisted with the first one!

After the man had been sentenced South Wales Police  issued a statement denying that they had helped him to enter the flat.

Well they would, wouldn’t they?

Sadly it was the final instalment today of our feature on the Kings of Essex.

If you missed what Julian Whybra told me, click on the link below to listen again: –

See you again next week,
Scott

Ye gods, it’s Monday again!

How quickly the weekend comes and goes and back we go once more to the old grindstone.

To try and cheer us up with news of other people’s misfortunes (always so much funnier than one’s own, I always feel) we told you today about the Uber driver trying to get to a BBQ, but instead found himself driving across a golf course.

It would of course have been better had he been driving a Golf, but sadly it was a Toyota Plus.

At least he didn’t end up in a bunker but I don’t suppose the greens manager will have been too impressed!

We also heard about the man who pulled over to text his wife only to be buried immediately along with his van, underneath a 50 ft tree.

Must have been a trunk call!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

We heard today about the woman who managed to break her neck when she sneezed whilst lying in bed.

No laughing matter that!

And  that was 5 years ago and finally fixed after a long and painful treatment.

But now MONIQUE JEFFREY from Melbourne Australia has done it again, this time after laughing at one of her work colleague’s jokes. 

Now it appears that because this is the second time hat this has happened, she will be at high risk of it happening again so doctors are trying physio to try to strengthen the muscles around her neck and keep it stable, but if it does recur she will have to have high-risk surgery to try to fuse her neck. 

Ouch!

Meanwhile from Texas comes news of a student far from impressed about receiving a high school certificate.

So why is she unhappy?

You’d think she’d be pleased.

Well perhaps not when you find that the certificate has been awarded to her as the most likely student to become a terrorist!

Seems to have gone down like a bomb.

See you again next week.
Scott

On today’s show we heard about two successful applications to university – one for a professorship and one for a student place.

First off came news of the position of LEGO PROFESSOR OF PLAY, the £84K pa position just appointed by Cambridge University. The unusual posting has been funded by a £4m grant from the Lego Foundation, which also includes a specialist play research centre (PEDAL), built in 2015 and based in the Faculty of Education.

It seems that Cambridge University is no stranger to oddball appointments, since in 2014, the Department of Chemical Engineering and Biotechnology advertised for a doctor of chocolate – to study how and why the substance melts.

Heat has probably something to do with it!

Meanwhile over in the US an 18-year old  student was awarded a place at the prestigious Yale University on the strength of an essay she wrote about ordering Pizza.

Well that’s food for thought, I guess.

See you again on Wednesday,
Scott

We learnt today about the Cardiff woman who’s been threatened with having her postal deliveries cancelled due to injuries suffered by her postman at the paws of her cat.

It seems that after having his finger mauled three times he’s had to go to hospital for a Tetanus jab.

STOP PRESS++++++++++STOP PRESS++++++++++++STOP PRESS+++++++++++++STOP PRESS

I was delighted ton welcome a surprise visitor in Steve Brookstein who popped in to tell us abouthis forthcoming gig with his band THE TERRELLS which is happening at the East Ham Working Mens Club on Friday 16th June.

Tickets are available from http://www.stevebrookstein.com/shop/.

Listen again to my chat with Steve here: –

Back in the 1840’s was also a dangerous time for the inhabitants of Coggeshall and Margaret Mills returned today with the second instalment of her feature on the Coggeshall Gang.

If you missed it, just click on the link below: –

See you next time,
Scott

Welcome to another Bank Holiday!

On today’s show we revealed what steps one chap took to recover the costs of a date from hell.

Yes amazingly he told the girl in question that if she didn’t reimburse him for the price of the pizza and cinemas tickets he bought her, he would pursue the matter through the small claims court.

Well good luck on that, mate!

Rather luckier in the romance stakes, we heard about the woman who after a 36-year long romance, finally tied the knot with the object of her desires – the local railway station!

Maybe she has ideas above her station.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

I guess we all know the old story about the Emperor with no clothes.

Well keeping to a similar theme, Aberdeen based student, Ruairi Gray, 22, bought a pineapple to tease a friend – quite what the tease was all about is unclear, but whatever it was, it seems to have had all the impact of a dud firework, so stuck with an unwanted pineapple he dumped it on top of an empty glass display case in the centre of an exhibition at Robert Gordon University to see how long it would take for someone to remove it.

Returning 4 days later Ruairi was amazed to see that the pineapple had been placed inside a glass display box and remained in place until the art exhibition closed.

Shocked by the turn of events Ruairi asked an art lecturer whether the piece was a real exhibit and was told in no uncertain terms that  ‘Of course it’s real, you can see what they were trying to do with the top of the pineapple and the glass.’

The exhibition called “Look Again”, challenged visitors to ‘look at the places and spaces around us through fresh eyes’.

Sally Reaper, Look Again Festival Director said: ‘The 2017 festival has been really successful – we had more than 30,000 attendees and we’re already looking forward to next year.’

Perhaps I could try exhibiting a half read book – open midway through a chapter – or how about an un-emptied commode? If that won a prize I can imagine it might cause a bit of a stink!

In the second hour I was joined once more by Julian Whybra for the next instalment of our feature on the Kings of Essex.

If you missed it just click on the link below: –

See you again next time,
Scott

If you’re planning to get on the housing ladder any time soon you could do yourself a real favour by checking the advice BRIAN HUGHES dispensed today.

Click on the link below to hear more: –

Later in the show we heard how, had it not been for the intervention of a local council, you might have been able to lay your hands on a house worth over one million pounds, for an outlay of just £5.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

With the start of another week, we looked back at a couple of tragedies which befell some of our fellow human beings last week.

Your wedding day is always going to be  – or should be – the day you’ll remember for the rest of your life but one couple will certainly have cause to remember their big day.

As the bride looked into the groom’s eyes and pronounced her vows, the female minister turned a ghastly shade of pale, her cheeks started too bulge and then just after the bride uttered the words promising her faithfulness in seasons of abundance, the minister threw up and collapsed on the floor.

Visibly shaken, but determined not to be thrown herself, the bride completed her vows – in sickness as in health!

Meanwhile from Plymouth came news of the 91-year old motorist who was led astray by her sat-nav which directed her down a flight of steps.

It has since emerged that this a favourite trap for sat-nav users as others have been similarly lead astray at the same junction.

Oh dear!

Well so song as I can keep to the straight and narrow I’ll see you again tomorrow,
Scott

We’ve recently seen and read stories about people being dragged kicking and screaming – or maybe unconscious, from their aircraft seats.

But with news of  the fine dining fare offered by one national carrier I imagine you might actually welcome being dragged off the plane.

Although seeking to increase rates of tourism to their country from the current annual level of 100,000 to 2 million by 2020 it seems that the national flag carrier for North Korea – Air Koryo, might want to up its game when it comes to on board dining.

Apparently the one and only repast on offer is the KORYU BURGER.

This delicacy is always served stone cold on a paper doily and consists of a somewhat unappetising bun containing a few shreds of cabbage, a piece of rubbery-looking cheese and a piece of unidentifiable meat which seemingly defies all attempts to chew it – always assuming, of course that you are brave enough to try.

It turns out the Koryo burger practically has its own cult following, famed for being so inedible, no one has ever been recorded as having finished theirs.

Ready to book your flight?

In the second hour of today’s programme I was joined by JULIAN WHYBRA for the next instalment of our feature on the KINGS OF ESSEX.

If you missed it you can listen again here: –

See you again next week,
Scott

Hotfoot from joining the Phoenix FM Morris Dancing formation team performing in the car park, here I am again slogging away in the studio on another Bank Holiday!

We heard today about the great deal offered by GWR.

Between the 22nd May and 14th July, and providing that you didn’t travel via Bristol,  they were offering a single first class ticket for the 64-mile journey between Taunton and Trowbridge for the never to be repeated price of just £10,000.

The normal fare is £12:70 so it is easy to understand why this once in a lifetime deal has now been withdrawn.

We also heard about the gun toting cat reportedly terrorising the residents of Newport in Oregon.

A member of the public alerted police, backed up by  photographic evidence which you can see here:

The local police department later confirmed that the cat was given a verbal warning for posing with what could be mistaken as an assault rifle whilst wearing poor camouflage attire.

It seems that the cat may have escaped being shot by police by a whisker!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Today we heard all about the unfortunate woman who got her arm stuck down her toilet bowl.

Poor Gracie Henderson had just moved into her new house near Houston in Texas and needed to unblock her toilet.

But because she didn’t have a plunger, she unwisely decided to carry out the task manually using her hands.

Unfortunately she forgot to remove her watch which got stuck in the bend trapping her in situ.

Somehow she managed to raise the alarm and fire crews arrived to help free her. But their initial efforts to release her also failed so they were left with no choice other than to remove the toilet, carry it – with Gracie still attached – into her back garden where finally flushed with success the porcelain bowl was smashed much to the amusement of Gracie’s new neighbours.

Now that’s how to make an entrance to a new neighbourhood. 

In the second hour of today’s show I was pleased to welcome back Margaret Mills who took us back to the village of Great Bardfield on the Essex-Suffolk border. Not looking at artists this time, but the unusual flora unique to this area.

Listen again to what Margaret told me today by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott

I was joined once more by that legal guru, BRIAN HUGHES from Shenfield based solicitors, RAINER HUGHES and as suggested in the title above, his subject today was all about Lasting Powers of Attorney.

If you missed it, you can catch everything that Brian had to say on this subject by clicking on the link below: – 

In the second hour we heard about how a team of football club supporters in Mexico, enlisted the help of a witch to try to end a 20-year run of defeats suffered by their team. The ritual involving plants and holy water, black and white candles, a cow and a pig head and other esoteric symbols may have had some effect as the team promptly won their next match, held last Saturday.

But can it last?

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Well you may have the day off but I’m still hard at it!

You can guess how hard it must be just sitting here playing just great music.

Anyway on today’s show we told you all about the TV commercial launched last week that went horribly wrong.

Trying to use smart technology in a clever way Burger King’s advertising agents latched onto the novel idea of using voice-activate Google Home assistant or Android phone search,  to search for “Whopper” on Google and read out the entry of ingredients listed in Wikipedia.

Unfortunately they failed to note that the contents can be edited by anyone which meant that someone changed the entry to suggest that the Whopper sandwich included such tasty morsels as “rat meat” and “toenail clippings”. 

Well the best laid plans of mice and men …………………!

Keeping to the fast food theme, in the second hour we told you about the 8-year old boy who along with his 4-year old sister, drove his dad’s van to the local McDonald’s to satisfy a craving for a Big Mac.

He had seemingly learnt to drive by watching a video on YouTube although this still doesn’t explain how his feet could reach the pedals.

See you next week,
Scott

It’s happened before and it will undoubtedly happen again, but if and when it happens to you, you feel like a complete idiot.

And it’s just happened to an 18-year old Dutch student, Milan Schipper.

Planning a backpacking tour in Australia before starting at college later this year, Milan started looking for flights to Sydney. Unsurprisingly he plumped for one which appeared to offer a bargain rate. Unfortunately rather than arriving in the warm sunshine, for which he was attired in thin beachwear, he was deposited in a blizzard in Sydney, Nova Scotia.

Luckily for him the airline took pity on him, flew him home and offered him a complimentary flight to his intended destination.

For the next episode of his series on the Kings of Essex, JULIAN WHYBRA looked today at one of the Queens, who’s legacy still remains at St Osyth.

Listen again here to what Julian told me today: –

See you again next week:-
Scott

To start the week we heard about the gang of ATM cash machine raiders, caught napping whilst enjoying a Big MAC Breakfast after their latest £100k heist in Scotland.

That’ll learn ’em!

Meanwhile in a much more remote part of Scotland we heard about the pizza firm who’ve taken pity on the 120 residents of INVERIE and set up a pizza delivery service by helicopter!
Chicago-Town Pizza just made their first delivery and have now promised to establish a regular service to the area, which is so remote, it isn’y even connected to the National Grid.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s show we heard about the tourists in Barbados, who after confirming they had not been drinking, were asked by the bus driver to take over from him, because he had been drinking!

Later, Margaret Mills, who had not been imbibing took us on a visit to the Fry Arts Centre in Saffron Walden.

Listen again to what Margaret had to say about this establishment, by clicking on the link below:

See you again next time,
Scott

We’ve just experience another weekend of real fake news as the April Fool spoof news went into overdrive.

But not everything we heard about was fake.

Indeed it is absolutely true that April 1st saw the 8th International Pillow Fight Day. The feathers were well and truly flying as participants around the world took part in no less than 41 towns and cities, knocking each other senseless with pillows.

The event organiser – THE URBAN PLAYGROUND MOVEMENT said the aim was to bring communities closer together!

Meanwhile from Russia comes news of a raccoon in need of psychiatric help after being thoroughly traumatised by taking part in a commercial with a naked model.

There is a real chance of conflicting law suits between the zoo who lent the animal and the advertising agent who claims that the raccoon ate the model’s underwear!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On this for me, bonus edition of the show, I was privileged to be joined by the president of the Rotary Club of Billericay, Mike Sinclair and Head of Publicity, Trevor Bond.

And they came armed with the exciting news that following the success of their first SoapBox Derby, they will be holding a second SoapBox Derby on Bank Holiday Monday 1st May.

Last year’s event raised £26k for charity so they are hoping for even better things this year. Beneficiaries this year include two local schools, Hamelin Trust and Little Havens Children’s Hospice, Medecins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders), Aquabox and Rotary Foundation – End Polio.

In addition to the races there will also be a raft of side shows.

Tickets for spectators if purchased in advance are priced at £3 per person; Family tickets (Family of four, 2 adults & 2 children) £10. Two years and under – free. But note that on the day itself no family tickets will be available and the individual price goes up to £5 per person so it makes sense to get your tickets in advance.  

To get your advance entry tickets go to http://www.rcbSoapbox.co.uk or by pressing on the “Buy Tickets” button on the club website home page http://www.billericayrotary.org. Tickets are also available from a number of shops and pubs but note that anyone buying on line and by sharing the fact that you’ve purchased your ticket on line on Facebook, will have the opportunity to win a £250 donation to a charity of your choice.

Listen again to what Trevor and Mike told me by clicking on the following link: –

See you again soon
Scott

On today’s show we heard about the surprise that awaited a Manchester United fan at his Russian hotel.

No complimentary drinks on offer here, but they did provide useful advice on what to do if you were unfortunate enough to be kidnapped!

The helpful instructions advised potential hostages not to resist, obey their kidnapper’s instructions, try to remember what they looked like and take note of any landmarks passed on the way to where you were taken.

They also provided a phone number for the security services to use in the unlikely event that your captors left you with your phone and didn’t mind you using it!

Later in the show I was joined once more by Julian Whybra for the next instalment of our feature of the Kings of Essex. Listen again to what Julian told me by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next time,
Scott

I was joined today by local author, DAVID DUNFORD who has just written a book about the history of horse racing in Chelmsford. Called ‘Full Circle, The Rise, Fall and Rise of Horse Racing in Chelmsford’

The book tells the story of horse racing in Chelmsford from the mid eighteenth century to it’s re-birth in the twenty first century.

Listen again to what David had to say on this subject by clicking on the following link: –

Later in the show we heard why a “SLOW” sign painted on the road has only been half painted. Only the first two letters were painted and as one of them has worn away only the letter S remains and on top of that only half of the triangle warning sign has been painted at a junction.

This fiasco, bordering on farce is all down to a misunderstanding or disagreement between a firm of contractors and the local council.

Anyway I’ll see you again tomorrow,
Scott

I was joined today once more by Paul Yarwood from the local firm of independent funeral directors, Secure Haven.

Paul opened todays discussion by dealing with some questions sent in by you. He then moved on to look at one specific type of funeral – cremations.

You can listen again to all Paul had to say on this subject by clicking on the link below:-

An don’t forget that if YOU have any questions you’d like Paul, or his colleagues to answer in the coming weeks, please feel free to contact us by sending an e-mail to radio@phoenixfm.com or if you prefer you can, of course contact Secure Haven directly via their website – https://www.securehaven.co.uk/ or by phone on 01277 356857.

Later in the show  Margaret Mills took us back to a simpler time for a look at Nether Hall close to the Essex/Hertfordshire border.

Listen again to what Margaret told me about this fascinating place by clicking on the link below:

See you next week,

Scott

Now some few weeks ago I was contacted by Joey Oskys, a music producer from Hertfordshire who has teamed up with singer songwriter, Nicholas Veniamin and together they’ve just finished re-working a song written by Nicholas when he was just 17 years of age. 

The result is excellent and we’ve been giving the track a fair bit of airplay on PHOENIX FM so it was great to be joined live in the studio today by the dynamic duo themselves.

Listen to my chat with them and enjoy the acoustic track they performed live for us today: –

You can see what the guys are getting up to on their Facebook pages – but for Joey look under JOSEPH OSKYS!

Later in the show we heard about the lawyer who, unsuccessfully as it turned out, tried to defend a client on a charge of arson, only to have his trousers burst into flames as he started to address the jury.

How very embarrassing!

See you again next week,
Scott

I was once again delighted to be joined by BRIAN HUGHES from Shenfield based solicitors, Rainer Hughes.

This week Brian chose to tackle the subject of wills – the importance of making them, the practicalities involved and the options available.

Listen again here to what Brian had to say on this subject. It could be the most useful 10 minutes you’ll ever spend: –

We also learnt about a new art exhibition just opened at the Serpentine. The exhibition is on until 21st May and this is the place to go to see such creations as some old used teabags drying on a radiator.

Can’t wait I’m rushing off on the next train!

See you again soon,
Scott

Have you ever done a runner from a restaurant and left without paying?

Well police are on the hunt for over 100 party goers who scarpered from a hotel in Spain without paying the £2500 bill after consuming their starters and main courses plus 30 bottles of whisky as well as wine, water and soft drinks.

It was whilst the waiters were bringing out their desserts that he diners did their own desertion with the last stragglers squeezing hastily through the door leaving the restaurant completely empty save for the orchestra hired specially for the occasion.

In the second hour of the show it was good to welcome back a man who’d never “do a runner” – Julian Whybra – who following on from Margaret Mills’ visit to St Peter’s Chapel in Bradwell, returned there this week to explain the connection this place has with the Kings of Essex.

Listen again to what Julian said on this subject by clicking on the link below: –

See you next time,
Scott

Indeed we heard today about a man from South Wales who was so depressed when he reached his 50th birthday that he blew up his house.

As a result he will spend his next four birthdays in prison – unless, of course, he decides to try and blow up the jail.

Meanwhile on the other side of the world we had news of another 50-year old who came to an untimely end when his 6 ton stash of pornographic literature fell on him and crushed him to death.

Must have been hard core, I guess!

See you tomorrow,
Scott

As part of our public service we reported on a potential threat that anyone of us could fall victim to anytime soon.

The scam works like this: –

A local number will ring you

The person on the phone will then introduce themselves and the company they supposedly work for

They then ask: ‘Can you hear me?’

Your answer is recorded, and if you say ‘yes’, your response will be edited and then used to charge you for products or services without your knowledge.

If you try to disagree with them, they will then play back their recording of you saying ‘yes’ and threaten to take legal action if you don’t pay up.

The scammers can also use your voice recording to authorise a stolen credit card.

So if you are asked ‘Can you hear me?’ when you’ve picked up the phone, hang up or just don’t pick up at all if you don’t recognise the number.

And if you do think you may have been targeted, you’re advised to contact your bank immediately.

So you have been warned!

But later Margaret Mills took us back to a time well before such scams were possible, when she looked at the history of St Peter’s Chapel in Bradwell.

If you missed what Margaret said just click on the link below:-

See you next time,
Scott

On today’s show we heard about the mishaps that have befallen two women – literally!

It was last April that our first hero (sorry, that should of course be heroine) literally fell for a property she was visiting together with her husband as prospective buyers.

Unfortunately she plummeted 30 feet down a well nestling under a wooden board in the garden of the property.

She was submerged in water at the bottom of the well but was able to stay afloat with the help of a hosepipe fed down to her by neighbours until the fire service was able to pull her to safety over an hour later.

Not a pleasant experience!

And nor was the experience of the subject of our second mishap.

This involved a woman who after enjoying an evening at Ronnie Scotts Club in London fell down two flights of stairs breaking her wrist and elbow in the process. Her attempt to sue the club came off the rails after the judge ruled that in addition to being intoxicated and wearing inappropriate shoes, at 18 stone she would have taken up much of the width of the stairway but for some inexplicable reason, did not use the handrail.

A case of gross negligence, perhaps?

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Today we heard about a job for social media addicts.

Yes H.M. the Queen is looking for someone to sort out her Tweets, Facebook and Instagram posts and YouTube items. The position offers a salary of £30k but you will need to have been educated up to degree level, have experience of managing websites, be innovative and creative and be able to demonstrate good photography and video skills.

Well there goes my chance then!

We also heard about the woman who’s married her house to launch a Crowdfunder bid to raise £400k to buy the property from which she faces eviction. The total raised so far is £56 so she’s still got a way to go.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Bit of a swap around this week, so with Bob looking after things for me yesterday, I was delighted to do the honours today.

And on today’s show we heard all about the woman suffering from FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME.

If you’ve never heard of this, it’s not overly surprising as only 60 people in the whole world are known to suffer from the condition, but one of those is Terri White from Hull.

After suffering from a severe migraine she suddenly  broke into a Scouse accent so even her own daughter failed to recognise her.

Apparently she has no control over the condition and has even started adopting stereotypical mannerisms and phrases, belting out Fog on The Tyne and saying ‘Top of the morning t’ya!’

At least she has not suffered from the problems experienced in 1941 by a Norwegian woman who after being hit by shrapnel, developed a strong German accent, which led to her being ostracised by her community!

See you again next week,
Scott

I was very pleased to be joined once more by BRIAN HUGHES, consultant solicitor from Shenfield based, Rainer Hughes.

Brian’s subject today was NOISY NEIGHBOURS and you can listen again to what Brian had to say on this subject by clicking on the link below – but listen on headphones or keep the volume down!

Also on today’s show we heard about the woman from Rhode Island who was caught by an over zealous parking attendant and slapped with a $30 fine for occupying a parking slot 2 seconds early. Unsurprisingly the hapless victim refused to cough up but by the time the case came to court, the fine had tripled to $90.

Mercifully the judge took pity on the woman and threw the case out of court.

No chance for that judge now to be considered for a place on the supreme court, me thinks!

See you later this week,
Scott

Margaret Mills returned today and took us on a trip to the Guildhall at Thaxted.

We also heard about the “red” vicar of Thaxted, Conrad Noel and about the imprisonment in the town, and subsequent execution, of John Ball for his part in the Peasants’ Revolt.

Listen again to all that Margaret told me today by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next time,
Scott

We reported today on the school in Sussex which is considering moving their working day back one hour so that pupils who have difficulty getting up in the morning can have an extra hour in bed.

When I was at school we had to get up, have a cold shower, and if there was snow on the ground, clear all the paths around the school.

Also of the old school, Margaret Mills (but not old herself, I hasten to add) returned to take us on a trip to Thaxted, and notably the Guildhall there.

Listen to what Margaret said by clicking on the link below: –

 See you next week,

Scott

Thank goodness January is gone for another year and although we may not be out of the woods yet as far as the winter is concerned, we are on our way.

On today’s show we had two stories from Australia.

First off came news of the woman who’s excuse for speeding was that she’d been pushed along by a heavy tail wind!

Worth a try I suppose but it didn’t work. She still got points on her licence and a speeding fine.

Then came news of the woman who decided to report her drug dealer to police following, what she considered, the imposition of an “outrageous” price increase.

The police went so far as to publicly offer their services to others who felt they were similarly being ripped off.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Today we heard the news of why men have been forced to disguise themselves as sheep to protect a 40-year old traditional rodeo event in New Zealand from falling foul of new animal welfare rules.

The event includes sheep-chasing for children which campaigners say is both unnecessary and cruel for the animals, so this year organisers have decided to employ men dressed as sheep for the children to chase.

Hopefully this will stop any further bleating from protestors!

Julian Whybra returned today with details of how Christianity first became established in Essex.

If you missed it, click on thee link below to hear what Julian told me: –

See you again next time,
Scott

Well before we get too far into the year it may be a good idea to think about planning this year’s holiday.

You could choose to stay in the UK and perhaps take a trip to Skegness but as this resort has just been branded as a pariah of the tourist world on a par with Pyongyang, Mogadishu and Damascus, you might want to consider something a bit more exotic.

And if exotic is what you are thinking about, nothing is likely to be much more exotic than the bus tours offered by Brighouse based, Hinterland Travel, who offer tours to war torn areas of Afghanistan but you must be prepared for roadside bombs, Kalashnikov-toting bandits and Taliban attacks.

The company is run by a 79-year old Yorkshireman, Geoff Hann and amazingly since starting tours in 2002, it was only last year that any of his tours have run into serious trouble when his party of 12 holidaymakers  – 8 Brits, 3 Americans and 1 German – were forced to dive behind a roadside wall as their vehicle went up in flames, before a nearby army and police vehicle came to their rescue.

According to Mr Hann some of his clients on that trip have been very difficult and demanded their money back. But Mr Hann is annoyed by their attitude, claiming that they will be able to dine out for years on the story of how they got shot at by the Taliban!

Well it’s certainly different!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Today we learnt about some unusual medical research that has been going on in the USA.

Strangely squirting coffee up someone’s bottom in an effort to cure cancer, seems not to have proved especially successful!

Perhaps more success was achieved in days of yore with some of the folklore remedies described today by Margaret Mills. If you missed them they are all here – just click on the link below to listen.

See you again next time,
Scott

Here we are at the start of another week and a new US President has just been inaugurated.

Well believe it or not, to coincide with this momentous event an evolutionary biologist has discovered a new insect  – a moth actually – which has been named after “THE DONALD” as Neopalpa donaldtrumpi. 

So after SUPERMAN and BATMAN we now have MOTHMAN in charge of the Free World!

It seems that there’s method in the madness, as unlike the Trumps themselves, the creature is an endangered species and it is hoped that the publicity will help to attract attention to preserve the newly discovered species. 

We also reported on the technically switched on 6-year old girl who, whilst her mother slept, managed to gain access to her mother’s phone to order $250 worth of her favourite Pokemon toys.

You just can’t keep pace with these technologically educated kids!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

With “cuddly” BOB SIMPSON on leave, today marked the first of two bonus programmes for me this week.

Taking my life in my hands I was joined by PAUL YARWOOD one of the founders of the Margaretting based firm of independent funeral directors, SECURE HAVEN who was on a mission to dispel any concerns that people might have in connection with funeral planning.

The simple fact is that we are all going to die at some point, and Paul was anxious to make to the point that there should be no taboos in talking about it.

After all talking about it doesn’t make it happen – at least not straight away! 

Nevertheless it is a good idea to discuss the issues involved and plan ahead at a time when you are less likely to be encumbered with any emotional baggage.

So over the coming weeks Paul and his colleagues will be coming in to discuss a number of thought provoking issues.

In the meantime listen to what Paul had to say on this issue today by clicking on the link below:

If you have any questions you might want to ask Paul you can either send them to him by e-mail via us at radio@phoenixfm.com or alternatively you can visit the Secure Haven website https://www.securehaven.co.uk/ or simply call them on 01277 356857

See you again soon,
Scott

Believe it or not last Friday was New Year’s Day in one part of the UK and what’s more they celebrated Christmas Day later as well – on the 6th of January to be precise.

This is because the inhabitants of the island of Foula still use the Gregorian calendar which was first introduced by Pope Gregory XIII in October 1582.

Foula, which has a population of just 30, is situated 15 miles west of Shetland  – 100 miles north of the Scottish mainland.

Meanwhile back home, here in Essex, Julian Whybra provided news about the first kings installed in our county.

Listen again to what Julian told me by clicking on the link below: –

With Bob away I’ll see you again tomorrow,
Scott 

Yes – here we are again at the start of another week!

Amazon introduces Amazon Alexa, Echo and the All-New Echo Dot at a product launch in London

Today we heard all about some of the problems that can arise when using virtual assistants.

Personally I prefer a rather more hands on approach but I know that some people love to surround themselves with gizmos.

But what if your assistant hears something on the TV and then thinking its an instruction from you, acts upon it?

This is what happened in the US and large numbers of people were astonished when deliveries of dolls houses started turning up on their doorsteps.

Perhaps voice recognition might be helpful!

We also heard about the house in Lincolnshire which keeps hosting unwelcome visitors.

No less than 4 vehicles crashed into the property in under 20 minutes.

Perhaps they should open up a “drive-in” based on the fact that they seem to have a ready made clientele!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

At a time when councils are pleading poverty we reported today on the council that just spent more than £2000 just to have an expert listen back to a recording to establish whether a council member had used a disrespectful word to describe a fellow councillor. Amazing!

Julian Whybra returned once more with the third part of his new feature on the Kings of Essex. This time Julian looked at the origins of some of the place names in the county.

If you missed this, click on the link below to listen again:-

See you again next week,
Scott

For the first time in 2017 I was delighted to welcome back BRIAN HUGHES from Shenfield based solicitors, RAINER HUGHES.

Last time he was here, Brian was looking at shared drives and on a not unrelated issue, Brian turned his attention today to matters which can lead to boundary disputes.

If you missed it, just click on the link below to hear Brian’s advice on this thorny topic.

In the second hour we reported on the allegation made against an Australian landlord, who it has been claimed as fitted a coin in the slot device to the toilet in one of the apartments he lets out. 

Hope the tenant has the right change handy in an emergency!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Wow 2017 already!

So today being my first show of the New Year I thought it would be good to take a listen back to take a listen back to some of the songs that made 2016 such a good year for music.

Here’s a list of the songs I managed to fit into 2 hours.

It was a difficult choice and I’m sorry if I missed your favourite but 2 hours is 2 hours. It’s not elastic and whilst I could have picked a lot of others, I’m not a magician.

So the songs played (in no particular order) were these: –

Dance, David Dance                                                  Paola Morenna
All You Good Friends                                                Kevin Simm
Hell or High Water                                                    Ron Pope
Leave the Night On                                                   Sam Hunt
I Found a Girl                                                             The Vamps
Boy Problems                                                            Carly Rae Jepsen
Up and Up                                                                  Coldplay
7 Years                                                                        Lukas Graham
Bury It                                                                         Chvrches ft Hayley Williams
Girls Talk Boys                                                           5 seconds of Summer
Howl                                                                            Biffy Clyro
Make Me                                                                    Britney Spears
Perfect Illusion                                                          Lady Gaga
Symmetry of Two Hearts                                        Bright Light, Bright Light Ft Elton John
Let’s Get Married                                                      Jamie Reeves
How Can You Leave Me on my Own                     Divine Comedy
Kiss the Sky                                                               Jason Derulo
Hard Girls                                                                  KT Tunstall
Easy                                                                            Busted
Shout out to my Ex                                                  Little Mix
One Call Away                                                          Charlie Puth
Still Falling For You                                                  Ellie Goulding
Forever Tonight                                                       Sound Mirrors
Thorns from the Heart                                           Ewan Cowley & Lisa Lamb
Rockabye                                                                  Clean Bandit
This is What You Came For                                   Calvin Harris & Rihanna
A Thousand Hallelujahs                                         The Shires
The New Romantics                                               Taylor Swift
Cake By thE Ocean                                                 DNCE
The Living Years                                                      London Hospice Choir + Paul Carrack

If you were at work or would simply like to listen again, you can do so here: –

 
And here’s my special wish to you and hope you will have a very Happy New Year.

See you next week,
Scott

A very special ONE-2-THREE Show today as we turned the clock back to enjoy a “platter party” just like we used to have in those far off days of the 1960’s and 1970’s.

Here’s a list of the tracks we enjoyed this afternoon:-

River Deep Mountain High                      Ike & Tina Turner
It Takes Two                                               Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston
He was really saying Something             The Velvellettes
In the Midnight Hour                                Wilson Pickett
Do You Love Me                                        The Contours
Can I Get a Witness                                   Marvin Gaye
Soul Sister, Brown Sugar                          Sam and Dave
Brown Sugar                                               Rolling Stones
People gotta be free                                  Dione Warwick
Wont get fooled again                               The Who
Signed, Sealed Delivered                           Stevie Wonder
Nowhere to run                                           Martha Reeves & the Vandellas
Roadrunner                                                  Jnr Walker
Respect                                                         Aretha Franklin
Ain’t Too Proud                                            The Temptations
China Grove                                                  Doobie Bros
Rockin’ All Over the World                          Status Quo
Slippin’ and Slidin’                                        John Lennon
What’d I Say?                                                 Jerry Lee Lewis
Revolution                                                     The Beatles
Incense                                                           The Anglos
Do the Funky Chicken                                  Rufus Thomas
Pinball Wizard                                               Elton John
Saturday Night’s Alreight for Fighting       Elton John
Elmo James                                                    Chairman of the Board
No Particular Place to go                             Chuck Berry
Love Train                                                      The O’Jays
I Want You Back                                            Jackson Five
Ain’t that Peculiar?                                       Marvin Gaye
Dancing in the Streets                                 Martha Reeves
Higher and Higher                                        Jackie Wilson
Shop Around                                                 Smokey Robinson
I Can’t Help Myself                                       The Four Tops
Pretty Little Angel Eyes                                Curtis Lee
Blue Moon                                                     The Marcels
I’ll be Doggone                                              Marvin Gaye
Hold on I’m Coming                                     Sam & Dave
Think                                                              Aretha Franklin

If you missed it you can listen again here: –

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Scott

Don’t you just love it when an awkward customer appears just as you are about to end your shift?

Well a midwife in Hull was certainly having none of it and told a pregnant woman that her shift was about to finish and that the woman should return home as she was not in labour.

Aided by her partner, the woman promptly gave birth outside the hospital!

Hull and East Yorkshire Hospitals NHS Trust said they were sorry if the woman felt that she had been let down in any way. 

Nice touch that!

Later in the show I was joined by Julian Whybra for the second of his new feature on the Kings of Essex.

Following on from last time Julian looked at the early plans for the defence of the new realm.

Listen again here to what Julian told me: –

As we have two special shows lined up for the 27th December and 3rd January, the next Bygones feature will be on the 10th January.

Have a fabulous Christmas and I’ll see you again next week,
Scott

After we’ve watched celebrities scoffing down live lizards and crawling through snake pits, comes news of a new, no holds barred, reality show where contestants chasing the £1.3m prize are allowed to maim, rape or even murder, other competitors.

For 9 months participants have to battle to survive in temperatures of minus 40 degrees centigrade, amongst wild bears and wolves in the Siberian wilderness.

Sounds delightful!

And what’s more unless lucky enough to be selected to take part via an on-line poll, you have to cough up a £132,000 entrance fee.

You also need to be able to prove that you are totally sane before you can enter, but since given the rules, I would have thought anyone who put themselves forward must be mad, this might be a difficult condition to meet.

But what do I know?

Meanwhile over in the US we have news of a man who, when he became a pagan priest to a local coven, changed his name to Phelan MoonSong .

After much battling, he has now persuaded the authorities to allow him to carry a picture of him wearing horns, on his driving license.

A possible candidate for that reality TV show, perhaps! 

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s programme we took a brief look at some funerals that didn’t go quite to plan – with everything from undertakers suffering injuries after being crushed by overweight corpses to others slipping and falling into the open graves.

One shouldn’t laugh but it’s hard not to!

Margaret Mills returned this week with some folklore remedies. You could try these out yourself but don’t blame us if you end up in an early grave yourself.

You can catch them again here: –

See you again next time,
Scott

The fact is that life is short so we all need to make the best of it and that means planning!

We all aim to retire from work at some time and so the earlier you start sorting out a pension plan the better.

I was joined today by HOWARD BULLOCK from CLEAR FINANCIAL ADVICE of BILLERICAY, a man who really knows what he’s talking about so really worth a listen.

He outlined the different kinds of pension available along with the pros and cons of the different schemes so if you missed what he told me, or would like a re-cap, do yourself a favour by clicking on the link below:-

In the second hour of today’s show, we heard all about how binmen in Colchester successfully destroyed a man’s £40k car, safely corralled as he thought, after the dust cart collided with, and demolished his carport.

Oh dear!

You shouldn’t laugh but I find it hard not to!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Today we learnt what happened when two guys entered a store in Richmond, Virginia, and had the temerity to ask for sliced cheese.

It seems that this request struck such fear into the hearts of the staff that they hid and locked themselves in a back room before calling for police assistance.

Extraordinary!

Later in the show I was joined by Julian Whybra for the first of a new feature about the Kings of Essex. 

Listen here to what Julian said by clicking on the link below.

Margaret Mills returns next week and Julian will return in a fortnight.

See you next time,
Scott

Yes big news indeed (!) and according to RADIO SARAJEVO the opening of a new pavement was classed as “the event of the year” and broadcast live for the benefit of those unable to attend in person.

Meanwhile causing a storm in Torrelodones, a suburb of Madrid, was the theft of a huge inflatable model of a pile of dog poo. Quite what anyone would want with such a trophy, or to what use it might be put, is unclear.

Nevertheless the incident has caused much concern locally and a replacement item has been ordered at the cost of the equivalent of around £2000.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott 

Yes today we heard about the Chinese backpacker in Germany who tried to report the theft of his wallet only to find himself being processed as an asylum seeker.

After no less than two weeks the error came to light after the authorities got a staff member from a local Chinese restaurant to interpret what the poor man was trying to tell them.

Well she may be a day late but Margaret Mills joined me to explain all about the Plague Stone at Felsted.

Listen again to what Margaret said by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott

On today’s show we reported on the man charged with driving his mobility scooter at 47mph in a 30 mph zone.

At the time of the alleged incident he was actually recovering from a triple heart bypass operation. Verdict “NOT GUILTY”

We also had news of the American woman who claimed that her bottle of salad dressing was possessed by an evil spirit after it seemingly attacked her whilst she was preparing dinner.

Turns out that the “evil spirit” was a bacteria which caused the sauce to bubble up and explode!

I’m off tomorrow so I’ll see you again on Wednesday,
Scott

You really couldn’t make it up if you tried but as we told you today, there really is a police station in Gloucestershire led by the manager of the local Waitrose, but with no serving police officers.

I wonder if you could use your Waitrose store card as a GET OUT OF JAIL free card.

Later on Margaret Mills returned to tell us all about the Old Hag of Felsted.

Listen again to what Margaret to me by clicking on the link below.

See you again next time,
Scott

It was good to welcome back Brian Hughes from Shenfield solicitors, RAINER HUGHES.

Learn more about RAINER HUGHES and Brian himself by going to http://www.rainerhughes.com/

Brian’s subject today concerned the potentially thorny issue of shared drives.

Listen again to Brian’s advice on this issue by clicking on the link below.

Later on we heard of a territorial dispute of a slightly larger nature which has resulted in the self-proclaimed president of the state of LIBERLAND being prevented from entering his own country.

Legally described as terra nullius – a land claimed by no states, LIBERLAND was once part of Serbia but when the borders were redrawn at the end of the Yugoslav civil war in the 1990s, it ended up with Croatia only Croatia didn’t want it.

Had they accepted it, they would have had to accept the new borders, which gave them less territory than before.

But likewise Serbia  didn’t want it either since they liked the new borders which got them more territory.

As neither Serbia nor Croatia wanted it, Bit Jedlicka did want it and promptly announced that the 2 and a half square mile territory should henceforth be known as LIBERLAND and he and his friends planted a flag on the territory and duly elected him PRESIDENT.

Unfortunately although Croatia doesn’t want the territory it doesn’t want anyone else there either and arrests and fines anyone who tries to cross into the area from it’s territory. Not only that but the self proclaimed president has now also be banned from entering Croatia as well.

All good fun!

See you again tomorrow
Scott

Believe it or not but a new cat food range for the super rich has just been announced.

BRITISH BANQUET goes on sale this week but at £12:50 a serving, this is not the sort of nosh your average mog can look forward to.

So what’s so special about this product?

Well it contains Arenkha caviar, line-caught Scottish salmon, hand-caught Norfolk lobster, and locally-sourced Devon crab.

Each gourmet pack also includes organic asparagus, quinoa, and saffron for that “extra touch of luxury and refinement”.

And as you’d expect it contains no preservatives, additives or artificial colours, and is also GM-free.

Coming back down to the real world, well maybe, Margaret Mills related the strange tale of the Devil and the Bell at Danbury.

No it’s not a pub but there is a pub in Danbury called THE BELL, and there might be, just might be, a connection.

To hear more click on the link below:-

See you again next week,
Scott

We learnt today about the residents of a town in Fife who, having objected to a company’s flat building plans have each been billed £74000.

And believe it or not, the company threatened legal action if not settled in full within 21 days.

Margaret Mills today returned to the Essex village of Great Bardfield to reveal some amazing history connected with the place.

Listen again here to what Margaret said: –

See you again next week,
Scott

On today’s programme we showed how anyone can grab a bargain with an up to  75% discount in your local supermarket. And today we revealed the times that the main supermarkets reduce the prices of their stock.

Also today we heard about the woman who came a bit of a cropper after suffering from flatulence during lazer surgery. She might want to think about popping a couple of ENO’s next time.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

No we’re not really stuck but STUCK IN THE MIDDLE is the name adopted by my guests today,  Jon Greaves, Julian May and Angela Gardner for their band – and they popped by today to tell us about their newly released CD – PICTURE THIS which is available at £7 by e-mailing Jon Greaves at jongreaves@live.co.uk.

Listen again here to what they told me about themselves and the new album: –

Later in the programme Margaret Mills stopped by to tell us all about the amazing painters of Great Bardfield. If you missed what Margaret had to say on this subject just click on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott

I was joined on today’s programme by SAM COLEY from the Leigh Orpheus Male Choir which was formed in 1968, and with over 100 members can boast to be one of the largest choirs of their kind in the UK.

But not content to rest on their laurels they are actively seeking new members so if you have ever considered that this might be something of interest to you, why not pop along to one of their rehearsals? They generally meet up at 7pm on most Friday evenings at the Salvation Army HQ on London Road in Hadleigh. Alternatively give them a call on 07754 673600 or take a look at their website  http://www.lomvc.org/.

Whatever take a listen to what Sam had to say on this subject by clicking on the link below: –

Later on the show we heard about the school who inadvertently exposed their students to a nice warm glow after it was discovered that a piece of uranium had been included in the display of rocks and minerals in their science department. Maybe the students can now save on electricity by glowing quietly in the dark!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s show we heard all about the man who tried unsuccessfully to break into his house after he locked himself out – he tried to get inside by going down the chimney only to get stuck, just as triumph was within his grasp.

After being wedged for 4 hours his cries for help were finally heard and he was winched to safety  by the fire brigade.

Margaret Mills was back on parade today with details of the downed Zeppelin in Great Bardfield 100 years ago.

You can listen again to what Margaret had to say on this subject by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott

I was joined on today’s programme by BRIAN HUGHES, who is not only a consultant solicitor from Shenfield based solicitors, RAINER HUGHES, but also a budding author to boot.

Neatly combining both functions, Brian related the story of a couple of notable citizens of Billericay, who were sadly killed in a plane crash back in the 1950’s.

Despite having made wills in favour of their son he failed to inherit their house and property due to a technicality.

This incident shows just how careful you need to be when making your will as Brian explained.

You can listen here to what Brian had to tell me today by clicking on the link below: –

Later in the programme we also learnt why “Hot Dogs” are disappearing from menus in Malaysia.

See you again tomorrow.
Scott

After a prolonged absence due to illness it was wonderful to have Margaret Mills back on the programme.

Today Margaret described the right royal rumpus involving the trials suffered by Queen Caroline, the estranged wife of George IV.

To learn more and hear what Margaret had to say on this subject, just click on the link below: –

On a very different subject, we heard about the Irish lads who advertised for a “replacement” groom for their stag party being held in Krakow, Poland. Seemingly the real groom fell down a flight of stairs resulting in a number of broken ribs and a punctured lung. By just changing your name on the airline ticket at a cost of £82 you could potentially have an all expenses paid shindig!

See you next time,
Scott

As I guess you know only too well house prices are just crazy these days so it can be good to stumble on a property up for sale in a prime area, going for a more realistic price. Well possibly!

In Brighton estate agents are advertising accommodation to be used as a one-bedroom house, a home office in your garden, a gym, games room or even a pop-up shop. 

The property actually consists of two one-time shipping containers across the top of which is a terrace with space for a vegetable patch and built-in seating.

There are planters around the outside of the container suitable for growing fruits, vegetables or flowers.

And it can all be yours for just £35000!

Also from the Brighton area came news of the new technological marvel of the wifi kettle. It took the owner a mere 15 hours to brew up using the device.

Don’t you just love technology?

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

We are always hearing about people trying to enter the UK, but today we heard about one refugee from Eritrea who says his home country was safer than Swansea.

He should try Liverpool!

We also had news of perhaps some of the laziest males ever – arctic squirrels – who let the females do all the work whilst they laze in the sun.

Seems like they got it made to me!

See you again next week<
Scott

After the rather “dodgy” pronouncements ascribed to the US Republican hopeful, Donald Trump over the weekend, comes news that the jihadist terrorist organisation, ISIS has placed a fatwa on cats.

Where previously the animals had been used on recruitment posters, residents of Mosul have now been forbidden to breed cats indoors.

Well I never!

Being World Mental Health Day, Chris hood brought with him 3 young people who have enlisted on the Coach Core Scheme, Harrison Barrett, Mikaela Kennedy and Jake Watson.

Listen to what Chris and co had to say on this subject here: –

Meanwhile from the USD comes news of the airline insisting on weighing all passengers before they travel. It seems they need to balance aircraft for safety reasons.

I was also joined by some surprise guests this afternoon.

See you again tomorrow,

Scott

Another Tuesday and still no Margaret Mills, but you’ll be pleased to know she is on the mend and hopefully will soon be back.

Today we heard two food related stories.

First up came news of the woman who was more than a little surprised when a rat fell on her head whilst she was enjoying a meal in a London restaurant.

Meanwhile in Manchester a man was stopped by security officials at the airport due to liquid in his luggage. The liquid turned out to be an unusually juicy pork pie.

OK. That’s it from me. See you again next week,
Scott

With the start of another working week, we took a look today at the health worker who’s duties included helping patients to get back into the community by assisting them with their shopping.

On his first day he escorted one of his charges into the shopping centre where, using the patient’s debit card, he kindly helped them spend £250 on electronic goods which he had stored in the staff room for later retrieval when he left for home.

Clearly other staff were a bit wary of this so when his shift ended he was taken away by the police!

Have you ever wondered what seemingly coded messages broadcast in public places over the tannoy meant? Well we told you about some of those today.

So, for example, now you know that if you hear a call for Mr Sands whilst you are in a theatre, it might be a good idea to locate the fire exit.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s show we heard about the woman who found a complete rat’s head in her fried chicken. Yummy!

And we also had news of the woman in Devon who somehow managed to call police in Barnstable, Massachusetts to report a car accident between the rural villages of Muddiford and Ilfracombe. She was informed that there might be a bit of a delay before officers could attend the incident.

See you next time,
Scott 

On the first ONE-2-THREE show of the week, we revelled in the story of the man denied a reserved seat on a train because 4 overweight passengers were taking up the space normally used to accommodate 5 people, but refused to move!

We also had news of the woman who’s review for a washing machine went down more of a storm than she could ever have expected due to the picture she posted of the machine, which showed her reflection dressed only in a skimpy pair of knickers. Enjoy!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On what was, for me, another bonus edition of the show, we heard about Google’s efforts to protect the anonymity of a cow and about the 17-stone woman who’s been told that her weight was the cause of damage to a sofa less than a year old.

Nothing more to say!

See you next week,
Scott

Sadly Margaret Mills is still indisposed but we hope she will be back with us again soon.

In the meantime, on today’s show we heard a selection of reasons why people managed to get fired on their first day at work.

Posting a sex manual to a 5-year old in place of the Paddington book she was expecting proved to be a good start!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Today we heard about the reluctant Norwegian politician, who despite his best efforts has been elected to serve on his local council for two years.

His poster showing him with his cat, even asked people not to vote for him.

Perhaps there are some lessons there for budding politicians here!

We also heard about the convenience store in London trying to stay open for longer than anyone else. They claim to be open 25-hours a day but they’ve still got someway to beat the discount outlet claiming to be open 9-days a week!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Yeah, it’s yet another bonus show for me today and so we looked at the confectionary machine at a Spanish seaside resort that also dispenses a whole range of sex toys, all of which are clearly displayed alongside hot and cold drinks, packs of chewing gum and other treats for the kids.

Be careful which tray you pull out!

Meanwhile in Barking it seems there is a shop with, what must be “THE SALE OF THE CENTURY.”

Seemingly if you buy one shoe, they will throw in the other one for FREE. Now that’s what I call a bargain!

See you next week,
Scott

On today’s for me bonus edition of the show we took delight in one man’s misfortune and of a woman trying for a world record.

First off we had news of the man who got trapped in a loo. But when we say “IN” we really mean “IN”. As this Norwegian feller literally dived into a loo to try to retrieve the phone his friend had accidentally dropped into said orifice.

Unfortunately he became firmly wedged as he stood thigh deep in the contents and had to spend an hour completely enclosed in the small area. Whilst trapped he was bitten a number of times by some creatures apparently inhabiting this idyllic spot.

Mr Larsen was only released from his ordeal after firefighters destroyed the facility.

Oh and in case you’re wondering his quest to retrieve the phone proved unsuccessful.

Next up came news of Fort Worth resident, Monica Riley,  a 50 stone woman bidding to become the world’s fattest and heaviest woman and aiming to hit the scales at 70 stone within the next 5 years.

Helping her to achieve her dream, boyfriend Sid prepares a special night time shake for her to drink through a funnel.

The shake consists of ten Pop Tarts, heavy-duty cream, ice cream, milk and weight-gain power, totalling 3,500 calories.

The nightly funnel feeding is streamed live to 20,000 fans on line.

Perhaps Donald Trump could enlist her to block off the Texan border with Mexico.

I’m off for a snack now. See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Unfortunately Margaret Mills is rather poorly just now but hopefully she will be back with us before too long but JULIAN WHYBRA bravely stepped into the breach today to tell us all about The Muster Roll of 1539 and the horrors resulting from the Marian Persecutions between the years of 1555 and 1558 and how these two events impacted on the inhabitants of Billericay.

You can listen again to what Julian told me by clicking on the link below:-

You can also read all about these two events in more detail in a book Julian has written called Billericay People Volume I THE  MUSTER ROLL 1539 AND THE MARIAN PERSECUTIONS 1555-58. 

It’s available from the Cater Museum in Billericay who will benefit from all the profits derived from sales and can be yours for just £9:75.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

For my first day back after my holiday, I thought it appropriate to look at two stories loosely connected with travelling and holiday issues.

First up if you were thinking of travelling to Pakistan, you might want to slip by Peshawar, where at the Khyber Rifles Officers Mess at Landi Kotal you can see a Banyan tree that was placed under arrest more than a century ago, on the orders of a serving British military officer, who in his drunken state believed it to be trying to run away.

The tree remains chained to the ground to this very day!

Closer to home, should you take a trip to Paris, just be warned that you could be in line for a massive fine should you be reckless enough to take a photograph of the Eiffel Tower at night. You are particularly at risk if you then publish said photo on line. The reason seems to be because the tower’s nightly light display is classified as a separate “artistic installation” and protected by copyright.

You have been warned!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Yes, today came news of the house turned into a reasonable facsimile of a cell in the old MAZE prison by a robot vacuum cleaner, with the help of a puppy, who someone had forgotten to let out before everyone went to bed.

The puppy pooped on the carpet and the robot acted as a homegrown muck spreader.

Oh dear!

On today’s Bygones feature Margaret Mills told us the all about the legend attaching to Deadman’s Lane in Galleywood.

If you missed it you can catch it all again by clicking on the link below: –

See you next time,
Scott

First off today we heard about two men in Germany arguing over a parking incident which resulted in one of the combatants attacking the other man’s car with a sausage. We also had news of a brawl involving a sausage roll in Bristol and a shareholder’s meeting disrupted – again over sausages.

Must be something in the meat!

We also had news of the killer granny in Russia, who it seems has cut up, cooked and eaten her tenant, husband, mother-in-law and someone she was caring for.

You’d have thought she’d miss the income.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Well I suppose it was only a matter of time, but yes a Russian woman claims to have been raped by a Pokemon Go character.

She claims that she had been playing the game before going to sleep only to wake up to find a huge Pokemon on top of her, raping her which promptly  disappeared when she got out of bed, although the app showed that the character was indeed still on her bed.

Her husband has suggested she sees a psychiatrist so at least some sanity still exists in that household.

Later in the programme we heard the history of Brentwood’s Marygreen Manor from Margaret Mills.

If you missed it just click on the link below: –

See you next week,
Scott

Today we heard about two felons who maybe should try something else.

First off came news of man who’s life of crime has never paid off as he always gets caught. But he must have thought his luck had changed when at 4am he stumbled upon an unlocked car with the keys still in the ignition and and iPad and wallet just sitting there for the taking.

All he had to do was reach in and he would be quids in.

Unfortunately our hero got in the car and in his drug clouded mind, inadvertently pressed the door-lock button on the key fob and then couldn’t understand how the doors had seemingly locked by themselves, imprisoning him in the vehicle.

In a blind panic he smashed a car window to make good his escape and then whilst trying to use a credit card from the wallet he’d just pinched, was picked up on CCTV.

Then we heard about the would-be bank robber armed with a knife, who told the cashier to deposit £500 into his own account.

When that didn’t work he ran down to another bank nearby and demanded the money in cash, but they didn’t have that much in the till.

Unsurprisingly he was quickly apprehended and has now been sentenced to 2 years at Her Majesty’s pleasure.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Today we learnt about the dentist who lost a tool during an operation.

It emerged later that the patient had swallowed it.

Not surprisingly the patient sued the dental practice but as this was in the US it is perhaps surprising that the dentist didn’t try to sue the patient for theft!

On our Bygones feature this week, Margaret Mills took us to Copford where at the time of Queen Mary a bishop, known locally as Bloody Bishop Bonner, is said to have stashed away all his worldly goods in a tunnel leading from the church.

In spite of many searches, nothing has so far been uncovered so presumably, if it ever existed it is still waiting to be found.

Listen again to what Margaret told me by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott

We heard today of the antics of two council authorities.

First off we had news of Havering Council allegedly threatening to take a pensioner to court for criminal damage due to his wilful attack on a council owned lawn outside his house armed with a lawn mower.

Presumably this was thought to be a cut too far!

Meanwhile in Northamptonshire intense excitement is being stirred up amongst residents following news of an adult education course explaining how to wear a scarf!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s show we heard all about the Shetland Pony that broke into a pub in Gravesend – the aptly named ASCOT ARMS – in fact, and helped itself to the booze.

It was finally lured out with copious quantities of nibbles.

On a completely different tack we heard from Margaret Mills about an alleged witch rejoicing in the somewhat unkind name of GOOFY MUMFORD from Howe Street near Finchingfield. “Goofy” was the village schoolmistress, but also reputedly dabbled in witchcraft and so was blamed when the harvest failed, killed and then buried at a crossroads.

To hear more click on the link below: –

See you next week,
Scott

I’ll be honest with you once computer games moved on from Space Invaders I lost all interest so I’m totally baffled by the latest phenomenon POKEMON GO.

The addicts of such games however seem to allow themselves to be completely taken over by them as evidenced by a journalist at the White House, who rather than concentrate on the briefing of how ISIS would be defeated, tried to carry on playing POKEMON GO.

Whether or not US policy as outlined will eventually defeat Daesh, the reporter’s efforts to catch the Pokemon were defeated by a poor signal. 

Just glad he had his priorities right!

On today’s Bygones feature Margaret Mills looked back at the man they named twice – Sir John Griffin Griffin Whitwell. He had to get named “GRIFFIN” twice in order to inherit Audley End.

If you missed what Margaret said you can listen again here: –

See you again soon,
Scott

Do the bugs keep biting you on these warm nights?

Well now we have the answer to your problems thanks to a group of Swedish scientists.

Yes apparently all you have to do is take a live hen to bed with you and the mosquitoes will leave you alone.

Whatever else that’s a very different suggestion from the kind of bedfellows usually suggested by  Swedes!

Keeping to theme of wildlife, we also reported on the psychopathic swan terrorising people going about their hobby with model boats at a lake in Suffolk.

One man likened an attack on his craft to a battle with the German warship BISMARCK during the second world war!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Today came news of the man from Bodmin banned from swearing anywhere in the UK for 3 years but that’s OK then, if he goes to the Channel Islands or the Isle of Man he can swear as much as he likes.

How are they going to enforce this ruling, I wonder.

He’s just been released from prison for disruptive behaviour so as he hasn’t been sent back perhaps he was found to be too disruptive behind bars and that other inmates were caused unnecessary harassment, alarm and distress!

On today’s Bygones feature, Margaret Mills related the strange story of the Devil’s handprint at Steeple.

If you missed it listen again here:-

See you again next week,
Scott

Well – yes I’m back but with a horrendous cough, so keep well back from your radios.

Just hope I can rid myself of the cough before the end of the world – now scheduled for Friday week, would you believe? At least I got my holiday in first!

Yes, apparently undeterred by many earlier false predictions of doom, END TIMES PROPHESIES insist that the world will end on 29th July, when they claim that the Earth’s magnetic poles will reverse and an extremely angry Jesus Christ will return and kill all non Christians who watch a lot of videos on YouTube.

No BBQ’s that weekend then!

We also had news of the pensioner accused of defacing a work of art valued at £87,000. It seems that she became confused whilst visiting an art exhibition which included interactive exhibits, so when she came saw a crossword puzzle which included the the instruction ” insert words”, she did using a ballpoint pen!

Wonderful stuff! See you again tomorrow,
Scott

We heard today about blushing cinema staff who played a trailer for an adult movie to kids who were expecting to see the sequel to Pixar’s 2003 smash hit, Finding Nemo.

They were no doubt astonished and curious to find themselves regaled with a trailer for the adult animated comedy – SAUSAGE PARTY – incorporating some very X-rated language.

Can you imagine the questions their parents had to face on the way home?

For our Bygones feature this week Margaret Mills took us to Hutton Poplars Hall.

Carmel Jane Photography

Listen again to what Margaret told me about the fascinating history behind this building by clicking on the link below: –

See you next time,
Scott

On today’s programme we heard about 2 men employed by a local council in Spain who’ve managed to skive off work for 15 years but still collected their full pay packets.

Amazingly several members of the local police department have also been found not to be pulling their weight – in the last year one had worked just 96 days, another for 66 days and one person had go away with working for a mere 47 days.

I think I’m in the wrong job!

Meanwhile it seems that a TV remote control designed to be used by dogs is about to hit the market.

So you could soon be finding someone else will be fighting over the remote – and this one might bite!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Yes the title says it all!

A computerised robot is on the loose.

The Promobot IR77  has been fitted with artificial intelligence meaning that it learns from its experiences and its surroundings, but in spite of being twice re-programmed one of the machines keeps making a bid for freedom and was found wandering in the street after escaping from the hi-tech lab where it had been created. It was only stopped when the battery ran down.

Strangely none of the other similar machines has shown any sign of trying to break free. 

On this week’s BYGONES feature Margaret Mills kept to the subject she was covering last week – Essex Folklore Cures. This week she looked at headache cures. Listen to what Margaret told me by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott

Can you imagine being forced to sell your car because you can no longer afford the insurance premium which has only risen due to a clerical error on the part of the DVLA?

Well this is reportedly what’s happened a 56-year old former police officer with 40 years experience behind the wheel.

After moving house, Sidney Iliffe, sent off his paper and photo-card licences to register his new address only to receive a provisional licence in return. When he complained he was told that there were no records of his ever having passed the driving test which he did aged 18 back in 1975.

Meanwhile over in Sweden comes news of the footballer handed a red card for breaking wind during a match. The referee accused him of “deliberate provocation” and “unsportsmanlike behaviour”. 

A red card seems a bit over the top to me.

Now I could understand a “brown” one!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s show I was privileged to welcome local singer, songwriter, STUART CARR.

For most of his life Stuart has lived in Southend. Soon after being given a guitar at the age of 15 Stuart started writing music and by 18 was apprenticed to hit songwriters Arnold, Martin and Morrow and by 19 he’d had his first hit in Quebec and France.

In 1975, still at the tender age of 21 he was working with David Walker, Phil Wainman and John Goodison, plugging and writing songs for the likes of Mud, Sweet and the Bay City Rollers.

But the crossover to performing himself came after he started working closely with X-Factor contestant, Rhydian.

Listen here to what Stuart had to tell me today: –

In the second hour of the show we heard about the adult movie company who’ve launched a new service for blind clients.

Well they say it makes you go blind so I guess this is a kind of after sales service!

See you again next Monday,
Scott

On, what for me is a bonus edition of the show, today we took a peek at the new product, described as a “shower in your pocket”.

This is a giant sized wet wipe which it has been claimed is large enough to allow you to clean your whole body.

Just imagine trying to do that on the back seat of your car – or on the beach even!

We also heard about the man who returned to the restaurant he’d dined at the previous evening to ask for his tip back – well it was a £700 tip for a £42 meal!

See you again soon,
Scott

We heard today about the Turkish man arrested by police investigating a break-in, because he was walking in a peculiar way.

X-Rays showed that he had secreted a haul from a jewellery theft up his rear end.

Even stranger it emerged that the victim of said robbery was the X-ray machine operator.

On today’s Bygones feature Margaret Mills revealed some Essex folklore remedies for baldness.

A8A3N9 Mature businessman with bald head

If you missed them click on the link below – but don’t try these at home.

You have been warned,
Scott

The start of a very busy week for me with probably 4 shows!

Today we heard about the woman who caused more than a stir when she attempted to check up on her estranged husband’s whereabouts. Being ex military his suspicians were aroused by an electronic device wired up under the front passenger seat so the police and bomb squad evacuated the area until his partner confessed that it was not a bomb but a tracking device.

Oops!

We also reported how easy it could be for anyone to become a latter day Nostradamus by posting on Facebook. Anyone want to have a go at predicting the result of this week’s referendum once the results are in. We told you how to do this and make it appear that you have the gift of second sight.

See you again tomorrow.

There you are I’m predicting the future now!
Scott

You know those warnings telling you about TV programmes – “Contains nudity”, “Adult content”, “Strong language” etc well a newspaper in Russia is now printing warnings against news bulletins saying “may contain distortions or false information”.  Well I never would have guessed.

Meanwhile we also heard today about the man who’s been told by his local council that he’s dead and must prove he’s still alive!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Yes today we heard about the guaranteed winning scratch card that’s gone for auction on eBay.

Since the winning ticket is only worth £2 and postage is £5, bidding may be rather slack – but who knows?

As part of our BYGONES feature, Margaret Mills told us the story of the Baker’s Grave in Great Wakering.

If you missed it just click on the link below to listen again: –

See you next time,

Scott

Today we heard all about the unorthodox maths exam questions set by a teacher in Alabama revolving around drug dealers and gang members.

Maybe the teacher was just trying to connect with her pupils in a way they could relate to but the questions went down like the proverbial lead balloon with the parents of the 13 and 14-year olds for whom the questions were set.

Also from the States came news of the woman who bought a freezer from her neighbour only to find that it contained a surprise – the neighbour’s mother’s foot!

It is unclear where the rest of the mother might be.

See you tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s show we heard about the man who’s been told to demolish his pond, or face eviction as the pond could pose a risk to burglars!

Has the world gone mad?

Margaret Mills also took us on a trip to the place known as The Dragon’s Foot Field in Broomfield.

Listen again to what Margaret had to say on this subject by clicking on the link below: –

See you next week,
Scott

Today we heard some pretty smart answers some kids have come up with during exam time.

One child asked whether he’d rather be stranded on a desert island alone or with someone he hated, said if he was with someone he hated at least he’d be able to eat them whilst another asked to use the word “point” as a noun replied that he couldn’t see the point of SATS. Clever eh!

We also heard about the art exhibition where someone placed a pair of glasses on the floor to create their very own “spectacle”. Love it.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s show we heard about the woman who opted to die rather than vote for any of the candidates standing to be the next President of the United States of America.

Also in the USA, we also heard about others standing for a very different kind of election – 16 candidates, 8 men and 8 women are hoping to be crowned the kings and queens of the adult film industry and win the $1m dollar cash prize and a lucrative career.

Unlike most of the political candidates there will be little chance of any cover ups!

See you next week,
Scott

Just imagine you fix a baby sitter to look after your kids and when you get home, discover that she used your children as cover in a bank raid.

Well that’s just what a Colorado couple discovered. The woman employed to look after their children drove them to the bank, claimed that a man hiding in the back of the car had a gun trained on them that he was prepared to use if the teller didn’t hand over the loot. It subsequently emerged that the childminder needed the money to help pay off a restitution deal in respect of previous offences including 30 counts of forgery, 3 counts of ID theft and felony.

Looks like she can now add robbery and child abuse to the tally!

On today’s Bygones feature, Margaret Mills took us over to the Clacton house, known as THE CAGE.

Click on the link below for more details: –

See you tomorrow,
Scott

Jesus Christ in heaven

Today we heard all about the man who has just attempted to take out a restraining order against God.

Must be a very brave, or possibly very stupid man!

Not surprisingly, even without the defendant, or his legal representative appearing in court, the case was thrown out with the judge suggesting that the plaintiff should be looking elsewhere other than the courts, for help.

Being a Tuesday, Margaret Mills popped in to tell us about the brief connection with Essex of the famed mechanical and industrial engineer, IZAMBARD KINGDOM BRUNEL.

Listen again to what Margaret said buy clicking on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott

But as well as all that music, we had time to learn about the man who’s maths equations resulted in his being questioned on suspicion of terrorism.

It seems that the suspicions of woman sitting next to him were aroused when he avoided answering her questions and then she mistook the equations he was writing as arabic text!

We also heard about the staff employed on the production line at chicken producers in the USA, allegedly having to wear nappies because they are unable to take toilet breaks, which their employers supposedly consider to be privileges.

Excuse me – must just fly!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Having just enjoyed a great weekend, it is curious to note that the met office actually issued an amber alert for snow for our area this weekend.

Yes it’s absolutely true.

The Met office subsequently blamed the incident on a “technical error”.

Meanwhile a TV weather forecaster made is own “technical error” when he decided to spice up his forecast of high winds by introducing a few sound effects of his own.

I think his subsequent sacking has come as a bit of a “blow” to him.

See you tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s programme we heard that the man behind a string of hit records always used his cat to gauge if a song would make it to the charts.

And on our Bygones feature Margaret Mills told us about the folklore history of Old King Cole and his Essex connections, notably with Colchester.

Listen again by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott

Today we heard about the woman who asked police to check the quality of the cocaine she was selling as she wanted to be sure customers would be safe!

Unsurprisingly she didn’t get an answer but was arrested instead.

Meanwhile over in the USA a row has erupted over the name of an elementary school. It seems that the name it has had for years – THE ROBERT E LEE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL is no longer considered to be politically correct and so the school’s board decided to put the change of name to the popular vote.

Suggestions received include The Donald J Trump Elementary and the Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance.

Ever wondered if better left well alone!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

We reported today on the 70 year old Bristol man looking for a nude cleaner “to do” for him and on the panic caused on a US university campus when a Dominican Friar, in search of a frozen yoghurt, was mistaken for a member of the KU KLUX KLAN brandishing a whip!

What a mistake to make!

See you once more next Monday,
Scott

Now to be perfectly honest I normally made myself fairly scarce during my son’s birthday parties even though they were fairly low key events with just a few of his friends around. One year we did get a lady conjuror in to entertain the kids, but it was still pretty low key. But today we reported news of the mother from Florida who hired a stripper for her 8-year old son’s birthday party.

How she’s going to follow that in years to come I wonder.

Meanwhile over in Spain comes news of parents and grandparents being involved in a brawl outside some school gates. What is the world coming to?

On today’s Bygones feature Margaret Mills told us some of the fascinating history of Greensted Church, near Ongar.

If you missed it listen again here: –

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s programme we heard about the man who, it was claimed, managed to destroy his entire company and business by mistyping some computer code. Oops!

For a time he might have considered making a trip to the so-called, SUICIDE POND in Epping Forest, which was the topic chosen for our Bygones feature this week, by Margaret Mills.

Listen again to what Margaret told me about this by clicking on the link below: –

See you next week,
Scott

It was good to welcome back our old friend JIM REEVE today.

Jim has just written a new book called SECRET CHELMSFORD and he popped by today to tell us all about it.

Click on the link below to hear what Jim told me: –

The book is available in Waterstones priced at £14.99 but you can get a discounted price by going to Jim’s website – http://www.jim-reeve.com

Now I guess we’ve all heard of people sleepwalking, but sleep-shopping – that’s a new one on me. Unfortunately with the advent of computers in the home it seems that it is now all too easy to do and today we heard about the man who seems to have placed an order for YAK whilst sleeping. Luckily he managed to cancel the order and credit card payment before the animal could be delivered to his apartment.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

We learnt today that apparently cats have regional accents!

Not only that but it seems that wolves, birds and even cows have them too, with a farmer from Glastonbury asserting that his cattle “moo” with a definite Somerset drawl.

Well I never!

Definitely not talking with a drawl of any kind was Margaret Mills who told us the grisly tale of the Earl of Derwentwater and his Essex connections, notably with the Petre family.

If you missed it listen again here: –

See you next time,
Scott

On today’s show we heard about two property “bargains”.

First off came news of the toilet in London available to rent for just £3000 per month. Alternatively you could consider the cheaper option of a 20-year lease for £20,000. If you are feeling flush this could perhaps be a good investment just so long as the bottom doesn’t fall out of the market, in which case it could prove to be money down the drain.

Unfortunately you’re too late to avail yourself of the next property – a shed with a 10 and a half foot frontage – which with a guide price of £48,000 finally went under the hammer for an eye watering £208,000.

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

We heard today about the cat who got posted in error with a parcel of DVD’s only to end up 260 miles away from home. Seemingly no one noticed that the cat had nodded off in the box before it got mailed.

In spite of being cooped up for around 10 days,  mercifully it survived, albeit somewhat hungry and dehydrated.

On today’s BYGONES feature, Margaret Mills took us back to the 1870’s and the strange tale of the Loughton based pharmacist facing trial for murder after a large number of his customers became victims of arsenic poisoning from the talcum powder he was selling.

Listen again to what Margaret had to say on this subject by clicking on the link below: –

See you next time,
Scott

To start the working week we heard about a couple of people who might have slightly underestimated their ability to handle their alcoholic intake.

First off we heard about the Brentwood man alleged to have stripped naked, run around Wilsons Corner in the nude, calling out for his mother and then attempting to steal a police car.

A tricky one perhaps to explain away!

Then came news of the guy who became increasingly annoyed at being unable to reach a friend on his mobile. His exchange of text messages became ever more colourful as neither party would hang up so that they could communicate.

Not surprising really as it turned out he was calling his own number!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

We learnt today why it is sometimes wise not to send back an unsatisfactory meal at a restaurant – more especially if it happens to be of the fast food variety staffed by teenagers.

Later on Margaret Mills popped in to tell us all about the exploits of the Essex pathologist, Francis Camps who amongst other things was famous for producing evidence that convicted serial killer John Christie in the 1950’s.

If you missed it click on the link below to listen again to what Margaret told me today: –

See you again next week,
Scott

Welcome to Easter Bank Holiday Monday! Typical Bank Holiday weather, of course, but at least Friday was magnificent.

Anyway on today’s show we heard about the school kids who’ve had to answer a question about what sex they are. Simple enough one would think, but not so simple when you have 24 options to choose from, some of which I don’t even understand. Has the world gone mad or is it just me?

We also heard about the man billed 5p for a plastic bag after he filled up his car with 25 litres of fuel.

Wouldn’t it spill out of the bag?

If you are not back at work I hope to see you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s show we heard about the couple just “ticketed” for parking on their own drive.

They’ve been parking there happily for the past 14 years but have now been issued with a parking ticket for parking “in a restricted area”. Not surprisingly they are set to challenge the penalty. It will be interesting to hear the outcome.

Today’s BYGONES feature took us back to the days when local dignitaries, many of the inhabitants and especially the local lads used to be involved in the annual traditional ceremony of BEATING THE BOUNDS which confirmed the boundary limits of the individual parishes.

Listen again here to what Margaret had to say on this subject: –

See you again next week,
Scott

I was delighted to welcome AIDAN SQUIRE, Chairman of the Essex Business Forum onto to today’s show.

Now it’s been a little while since I was engaged in the “hurly burly” of the business week so it was especially interesting for me to discover some of the new methods being used today to promote businesses, especially on the local front.

The Essex Business Forum has been running for the last 5 years and aims to promote and find new business opportunities for its members.

Listen here to what AIDAN told me about their activities: –

To find out more and see if the forum might be a suitable vehicle for your business just go to http://www.essexbusinessforum.com.

We also learnt about the woman accused of stealing a mobile phone she had just handed in to police.

See you try to do someone a good turn only to end up getting bitten on your rear end!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

To start another week we reported on the woman caught driving with a 15 foot tree impaled in the front of her car. Must have been on a “trunk” road, I guess.

Wonder what branch of car dealership sold her the vehicle.

Keeping – albeit loosely to cars and driving – we also heard about another woman who, two years after apparently undergoing a funeral and burial, following her “death” resulting from a serious car accident, miraculously reappeared on a TV show much to the astonishment of her husband.

Now that’s something that doesn’t happen every day!

As I’m away tomorrow, BOB SIMPSON will be looking after things for me so all being well, I’ll see you again next week.

Look after yourself til then,
Scott

On what was for me a bonus show this week, we heard all about the parking attendant who parked on a double yellow line whilst ticketing another illegally parked vehicle.

Clearly there’s one rule for some and another for the rest of us.

And in this case amazingly, that turns out to be true – traffic wardens are allowed to park their vehicles on double yellow lines whilst they are working.

Think I need to get one of their uniforms to keep in the car.

We also heard about the tenant, who after discovering that the landlord had sent his lease agreement on line, as a word document, as opposed to a “locked” pdf file, added a clause to require the landlord to supply his tenants with birthday cakes on their birthdays.

Now that is cheeky!

See you next week.
Scott

On this show last week, we heard about the man fined for emitting a loud belch in Vienna, but now closer to home comes news that residents and visitors to Salford could face on the spot fines for swearing.

Some have questioned whether the move breaches freedom of speech and the campaign group Liberty has asked what legal test will be applied to determine whether language is foul and/or abusive and to clarify the difference between language that is foul and language that is abusive. 

Oh how easy it is to potentially give lawyers another source of income!

Meanwhile over in the US comes news of a man who successfully killed himself whilst taking a “selfie” with a gun.

Strange that, most people I know, use a mobile phone!

But at least it was a good shot.

See you tomorrow,
Scott

Yes the fully automated supermarket without any staff has arrived – well in Sweden at least.

Under the system you scan each purchase using your mobile phone so first off you have to register and download an app where you identify yourself using BankID, a Swedish ID solution used by banks over there.

That way you can be identified and will be allowed access only if you have no history of credit issues.

Ah but what happens if the systems gets a virus or suddenly goes haywire?

On that score we just don’t know, but I think I’d rather deal with real people.

This afternoon, Margaret Mills took us on a journey to Layer Marney Hall in Colchester.

Listen again to what Margaret said by clicking on the link below: –

See you next week,
Scott

Today we learnt about the fate suffered by bartender, EDIN MEHIC, when shortly after consuming a kebab, he inadvertently emitted a voluminous belch close to a police officer in Vienna’s Prater Fun Park.

He was promptly slapped with a £55 fine.

Reverberations of the belch are such that more than 100 people have since vowed to attend a loud belch-in at the site of the crime at the weekend.

Could be a bit of a blow for the authorities then!

Meanwhile from Wales comes news of the council who have arranged for a house to be purpose built for a 60-stone woman who can’t fit in her present home.

The new house has been thoughtfully located within half a mile of 13 takeaway restaurants including five Chinese takeaways, two Indians and a number of pizza and kebab shops so at least she shouldn’t go hungry!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

On today’s programme we reported the sad news of the demise of the man who launched over 333 million MOKA Coffee Makers onto world markets, only to end his days being interred in one!

In the second hour of the show, Margaret Mills popped by to explain how the celebrated composer Ralph Vaughan Williams, following a visit to Brentwood, was introduced to Essex folk music and set about securing it for posterity.

Listen again to what Margaret told me by clicking on the link below: –

See you next time,
Scott

Well I guess for the next 4 months we are going to be hearing more about the EU than you can shake a stick at. Today at least we reported on two European news items, neither of which is likely to affect your decision on how you will cast your vote in June.

First off came news of the Spanish building supervisor who had been happily drawing his salary without showing up for work for six years! His extended absence only came to light when he was due to receive a long service award. Instead this award was replaced by a $30,000 fine, which although still less than the salary he drew in just one year, he is petitioning to have set aside on the grounds that he was being bullied at work – well at least whilst he was there!

From the other side of the continent comes news of the fact that there is no love lost between the President and Prime Minister of the Czech Republic. During a radio interview, the President was asked how he might achieve the Prime Minister’s replacement to which he replied,   “The democratic option is one way, through free elections. The undemocratic option is to use a Kalashnikov.”

Perhaps old habits die hard in former Communist states!

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

This afternoon we aired the second part of my interview with the Speaker of the House of Commons, the Right Honourable JOHN BERCOW MP. You can find out more on this and listen to the full interview here – http://www.phoenixfm.com/2016/02/15/order-order/.

In the second hour of the show I was pleased to be joined once more by Margaret Mills who’s subject today was H G Wells and the time he spent at Easton Lodge near Great Dunmow.

Listen again to what Margaret told me by clicking on the link below: –

Keep well until I see you once more next week,
Scott

In the first hour of today’s show we heard part one of my recent interview with the Speaker of the House of Commons, the Right Honourable JOHN BERCOW MP which is covered separately at http://www.phoenixfm.com/2016/02/15/order-order/.

Part 2 will air at around 1:15 tomorrow.

Later we heard all about the Dorset farmer selling containers of fresh air to the smog-plagued inhabitants of Beijing and Shanghai.

Trouble is of course that the breath of fresh air once released, is gone in an instant, but this doesn’t seem to deter purchasers who seem perfectly happy to shell out £80 a pop and view this as a luxury item fit only for those sitting at the top of the tree (where the air is probably cleaner anyway).

See you again tomorrow,
Scott

Last Saturday our very own ANTONIA JONES related a story on her Breakfast Show that was just so good that I couldn’t resist giving it another airing today.

It seems that an Italian woman is facing up to 6 years in jail for failing to do the housework!

Yes it’s all true. Her husband reported her to the police of “bad management of domestic affairs”.

Amazingly the police agreed that there was a case to answer and referred the matter to judicial authorities who have decided to send the matter to trial in October under Article 572 of the Italian penal code which seeks to “punish whosoever mistreats a person in their family or a person entrusted to them for reasons of education, care or custody”.  

If found guilty the 42-year-old wife could face between two and six years in prison.

Someone who religiously does her housework is Margaret Mills and today she told us all about Samuel Courtauld who established his renowned textile business in Essex, and of his palatial home Gosfield Hall.

Listen again to what Margaret had to say today by clicking on the link below: –

See you again next week,
Scott