Report from the Frontline.

Operation Tomato a success says out great Leader.

This is no time dear reader for false modesty. Nor it is the time for you lot to whinge on about the bloody credit crunch your mortgage or the ever increasing cost of fuel.

No for in a small slum back garden in the red light district of Brentwood the flags are flying and the residents are holding a street party in celebration of the total success of Operation Tomato.

Your Phoenix FM ace reporter – Scoop Rookard – (I told you this was no time for false modesty) – takes up the storey.

It all started with an instruction from Silvie next door that I should save money by growing my own as it were.  So what better than a few tomatoes she said.   

Thus was the start of the Great Tomato Plant Caper, Into a planter went four tiny plants provide by the delightful Silvie – the best that the gardening centre could provide.   These died a few days later following a wash from a watering can contaminated with some left over weed killer..  

OK try again, - but don’t Tell Silvie – So in secret (i.e.) when she was out shopping and so could not spy on my activities over the fence – plant another three. 

Local cats and birds loved these little plant which they dug up and eat with glee..

Oh well – go for another three – the gardening centre loved me, even suggesting I alone was keeping then in business and paying their kids school fees..

More success this time, as one survived – this was dearly loved, watered and protected from the local birds and cats.  Steadily did it grow.. First small green blobs, then bigger greet blogs and finally the blobs turned red..  Yes finally a solitary red tomato was born..

To celebrate, this lone fruit was plucked from the plant, washed and following a short ceremony to remember its fellow plants that didn’t make it, was to a fanfare (provided by a hand held cassette recorder)   cut open with a silver plated knife – lightly salted and eaten. 

Well why not – I reckon that lone tomato cost all of £9 .50 to grow.  Next year, I’ll stick to the six for a quid deal round at Summerfield’s.