Welcome to a new series of blog posts from the Words and Sound podcast… W&S Scares! I am taking in some of the best, some of the most frightening (and in some cases, some of the worst) horror experiences you can have around the country. We will be looking at live action experiences, horror mazes, escape rooms and a couple of more unusual horror offerings too. In this first installment we look at this years 5 horror mazes at Thorpe Parks Fright Night.

I have to confess, this one was a bit of an afterthought and I wasn’t going to include it, given how few days are left, but if you are quick or if you are planning to go anyway, you still have a few days to experience this yourself… and believe me if you are going on the horror mazes at Thorpe Park this year, you will want to read this first! After years of doing these mazes, you would think they would all be awesome by now… unfortunately that is not the case!

Lets start off with the worst of the worst – Sanctum. Absolutely terrible. Seriously, it’s like this one has been shoehorned in by people wishing to advertise 5 mazes, so shoving this one in a corner of the park with little thought given to it. I’m not entirely sure still what the premise was. Look online and you will see amazing pictures of it. It’s not accurate at all. To be fair, I did this one in daylight, it’s possible it’s scarier in the dark… maybe? Aesthetically it looked horrible. Bits of tarpaulin and makeshift barriers. I mean I get it, it’s supposed to be post apocalyptic and that should add to the immersive experience. But it doesn’t. It’s just obviously cheaply and quickly thrown together. The live actors were not intimidating. The story was confused. You could get better props in a bargain pound shop. The worst thing though is this is one of the two that has the Walking Dead logo. I would be very concerned if my branding was on this one. Avoid! Best bit was leaving. 1/10 stars.

Thankfully Sanctum is by far the worst and things get much better from here. Let’s move to Platform 15. This one is pretty simple. A train crashes via an insane driver, everyone dies and haunts the place. Standard so far. It started off pretty poorly and cheaply to the point where I thought this is another Sanctum. (A Victorian ghost wearing Reebok Classics?) Half way through though, the production value increases and you are lead through a very small house, that was reminiscent of a few good horror films. The jumps were short lived though as it took only 30 seconds to walk through. The maze ends with a a long tunnel. This was the best part and actually reasonably unnerving depending on what scares you. It takes a good while to walk through in complete darkness with the odd actor appearing in your face with a torch from time to time. Worth a look, but don’t panic if you don’t have time to do this one. Best bit was the tiny house. 4/10.

The Living Nightmare is the second new maze along with Sanctum. This one is the main Walking Dead maze. Once you eventually get inside, you really feel like you are in the show. Deep south sheriffs and baseball bat wielding hicks order you on your knees and demand to know who’s in charge. You then get pushed through into the rooms where zombies come at you from every direction. This one was a lot of fun an I particularly liked the groups getting segmented into smaller gatherings and then lined up at the end for a final scare. You are told you get a 5 second head start before a snarling zombie with a bad skin condition is let loose on you and chases you out of the maze. I desperately didn’t want to look back at it, but I did (and I was glad I did so). Top bit was walking through the bus… are they all dummies in the seats?… 7/10

An old classic now that Thorpe Park have put on for years. Saw Alive. This one is really good and quite scary. If you know the films you will love looking for the traps and puzzles in each room. I found myself at the front of the group in this one, and I was glad to be there as I loved it. Edging my way round a bed with a gory man writhing around on it. People chained up or in cages trying and pleading for escape. Meat bags hung up from the ceiling, and people zombified walking around a cramped room where you have to decide which is best to squeeze passed. Each room is a nightmare in this one and in places you are groping around in the dark. This maze is well trodden with very high production values. It didn’t have the impact it once did, looking back its the anticipation because of the iconic film references that make it really scary. My favourite bit is probably the room just before you start your walk through where you are lined up in Jigsaws control room. Press a button and he tells you he “wants to play a game…” 8/10

My number one is Big Top. This is a few years old now and they have really perfected it. It’s frantic, fun and disorientating and offers something very different to the other mazes, which are very similar (apart from effort the park has put in – Sanctum I’m looking at you!) This ones is all set inside a circus big top. Even as you queue, a horrible demon voice warns you of whats to come as you head inside through the giant clown face door way. If you are scared of clowns, this will absolutely terrify you. If not, you will find it incredibly fun. When you are inside it is a maze of caged walls. It’s dark but there is pounding music, strobe and coloured lighting like a sinister rave. The clowns appear behind the cage walls, but also behind and in front of you. They do touch you and the experience depends on which actor is on that day. We had a friendly clown who offered some respite from the insanity of the others, he was more playful than scary and actually it was a nice contrast. the groups get pushed and shoved in different directions so at one point I found myself with the group who were in front coming from another direction. very disorientating. Then at the end there is a particularly enthusiastic clown with a chainsaw who chases you out the big top. It’s hard to say how they could improve this one… making it longer would be great. Best bit…all of it! 9/10

So there you have it… this year’s Thorpe Park Fright Night horror mazes. Still a few days to experience them and if you do and you are time limited, head straight for Saw Alive, The Living Nightmare and Big Top. Let’s hope next year the extra too are much improved. Happy Halloween!

Chris

@CW_Stagg